Confessions

And bullet points!

  • After I got the kids in bed last night, Hubbs looked at me and said “Why don’t you just go to bed? You look exhausted.” And so I did. And Internet? IT WAS WONDERFUL.
  • I kinda have a crush on Bruno Mars. I know. But every song is a freaking earworm and I can’t stop singing along. In the car. At top volume. He’s kind of like this generation’s Michael Jackson. Without the crazy plastic surgery or child molestation/Neverland thing. Which, winning.
  • I hate raw tomatoes. Cooked and in sauces? Fine. But raw=slime and that’s just no bueno.
  • When my dad is mad (looking at him from the eyebrows up), he kinda looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    I think it's the glare.

    I think it’s the glare. Very effective.

  • I have a MAJOR soft spot for Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. Hubbs knows how to cure any bad mood that I’m in with one word: “Commando”. I love that movie. It’s full of one-liners, 80s cheese, and it even has a scene in the Galleria — which, if you’re a movie nut, you’ll know also makes an appearance in T2. And where else can you see Arnie swing across a mall from a giant streamer, land on an elevator, and jump down like it’s just a typical Tuesday? HILARIOUS.
  • When I went to Universal Studios for vacation with a friend, I blew my souvenir budget on a gift for my dad: An 8×10 picture of Arnie (with a mat and metal plaque) from the movie “Predator”. That was more than 10 years ago. It’s still hanging in his office.
  • I also have a thing for the Conan movies. Not the new ones. The Arnie ones. I used to pretend my Barbie was Valeria (or Jenna) and she rode a unicorn My Little Pony. I’m totally aging myself here. Child of the 80s much?

    Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.

    Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.

  • Arnie was in “Terminator” with my lifelong crush Michael Biehn (the good guy helping Linda Hamilton in the movie). Biehn was also in “Aliens”, “Navy SEALs”, “Tombstone”, and was the lieutenant who got killed after yelling at Ed Harris in “The Rock”. Last time I saw his name in print, it was because he was kicked off a movie set in Russia for being drunk and accosting female set workers. Do I know how to pick em or what?
  • Michael Biehn is also my dad’s age. Kinda ruined that whole crush thing when I found out.
  • My dad, brother, and I were so annoyed when they re-dubbed the gun audio for the original “Terminator”. Now its just distracting instead of realistic.
  • And don’t even get me started on the horrors that George Lucas did to the “Star Wars” trilogy. Someone needs to have control over the leash on that guy. And someone else has to be the reality check. Hey George, Leia remembers her mom, because she was with her. Luke never knew his mother. And their mom died “when I was very young” not at birth. You’re killing your own storyline for chrissakes.
  • More Star Wars redo gripes: Adding wombats to the ground during a scene? Did nothing for me. It ended up being distracting. Who cares that the storm troopers rode fuzzy hippo things on Tatooine? Everyone I knew was like “Oh look, more obvious, unneeded CGI. Thanks, George.” Somebody needed to reign in him. It got ridiculous.
  • Final Star Wars redo grips: For crying out loud, Han shot first. You hear me? HAN SHOT FIRST. Quit trying to clean up his image. We love him because he’s a scruffy, nerf-herding rogue.
  • The prequels never happened. Seriously. The only good thing to come out of those was the soundtrack. (I excuse Natalie Portman for her participation solely on my love for “The Professional.”)
  • I think I know every line from: Commando, Terminator, T2, Conan, and Conan the Destroyer. So does my brother. We quote all of them back and forth when we’re bored. It’s a kind of code.
    Me: Let off some steam, Bennett.
    My bro: guh — oh … ugh.
    My bro: Hey Sully, remember when I told you I’d kill you last?”
    Me: Yeah, Matrix, that’s right. You did.
    My bro: I lied.
    Me: Aaaaugh!
  • I can also sing the entire introduction song to the animated GI Joe movie, to my brother’s great amusement. Ask Hubbs. He was thoroughly embarrassed. (Cobra lalalalalalala!)
  • I’m slightly embarrassed that my kids haven’t seen Star Wars yet. But since Sean has been scared of monsters for the past few months, I thought I’d hold off …
  • Whenever I see the word “therapist” I immediately think “the rapists” Thanks for that, SNL.
  • That’s it for today, kiddos. Happy Friday!