Couch Surfing And Crazy Home Remedies

So I went to the doctor today (I know, its like I live there), and my blood pressure has spiked. This is generally looked upon as a “bad thing” in the medical community.

The entire pregnancy, my blood pressure has been a perfect 120/80. No worries, no problems. But today? I hit 140/86. That’s a big jump. So they said to lay down on my left side and relax for a bit. Fifteen minutes later, they were back to check it again. No change. They checked it again after I had seen my doctor. Again, no change.

So I’ve been sentenced to modified bed rest, and I had to go get some blood drawn so they can run some tests.

What is modified bed rest? It means that I can get up to go to the bathroom and to eat. Aside from that, I need to be horizontal with my feet elevated, preferably on my left side. I also need to drink tons of water.

The point of this is avoiding preeclampsia, which is also known as toxemia and pregnancy-induced hypertension. You have preeclampsia if you 1. are pregnant, 2. have high blood pressure, and 3. have protein in the urine after the 20th week (late 2nd or 3rd trimester).

I have two of the three conditions. We’re trying to avoid No. 3.

And so I went on my trusty friend, the Internet, to see if there was anything I can do besides planting my butt on the couch.

A Facebook friend told me to drink 2+ cans of coconut milk every day. To me, that sounds like a dirty trick to get me sitting on the throne all day long instead.

But the most hilarious suggestion comes from Wikipedia: Semen. No, seriously. Scroll down to the subhead titled: Induction of Paternal Tolerance. According to the dubious “advice”, I need more of the Hubbs’ stuff in my body. And one of the most effective ways of reaping the benefits? To drink it. A lot of it.

I forwarded Hubbs the link just for kicks and giggles. His response: I love you and I’ll do whatever it takes to help you.

He’s such a giver.

And maybe this is totally TMI, but I’ve been giggling about it all afternoon, so I had to share.


One comment on “Couch Surfing And Crazy Home Remedies

  1. Erin says:

    Speaking of TMI, my husband is always saying, “You know what helps that?” whenever I have a headache or some other ailment. And when I forget that he is a disgusting bastard, I'll ask, “What?” And he'll say something like, “My love juice.”

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