Wherein I Start A Therapy Savings Account

In 15 years, when the Monkey demands to go to therapy, he will show this post as his reason for needing it. And I won’t blame him.

Disclaimer: This post is about POOP. You’ve been warned.

So … now that I’ve got the savings account set up, I can tell you about poop. And how traumatizing it can be. Seriously.

Now that the Monkey is on 100% solid food, and is drinking cow’s milk, he’s been having some … problems … with what we call “gick-see” or hard poops. And they’re sneaky like ninjas, these gick-sees. The Monkey will be minding his own business, walking around and playing with a ball when all of a sudden, the ball falls to the floor and you can see EVERY.SINGLE.MUSCLE in the Monkey’s little body clench. His face turns bright red. He starts to sweat. His toes curl. And then he screams.

When I come running into the room (this weekend, he was playing with Hubbs each time it happened), He turns his little tear-streaked face to me and puts his arms up. “Mama … mama … mama …. NAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!”

In case you didn’t know, NOTHING is worse than hearing your kid scream in pain. I’ll take him into his room, and try to get him to squat — but his little legs just push him straight up. So I’ll lay him down, and pump his little knees to his chest to try to help. When he finally worked it out, his little butt was bleeding.

And that’s after more than a week of modifying his diet to have less milk/dairy, more fibrous foods. (I had looked up — in one of my many books — on how to treat this sort of thing, and the No.1 suggestion was dietary change. So instead of heading to the doctor only to be told to modify his diet and to come back if he had issues, I tried to be proactive.) Didn’t work so well.

For the record: The Monkey doesn’t care for juice. I’ve tried apple juice, prune juice, and orange mango and pineapple juice. I’ve cut them in half with water. I’ve made it 75% water, 25% juice. And no deal. The Monkey prefers his water straight and chilled, thankyouverymuch. If you mess with it, you’re likely to see a sippy cup thrown across the room, dropped off a high chair, or left hidden behind a toy.

I’ve also tried to feed him prunes and fresh plums. He’ll only eat the plums when they’re pureed with oatmeal. Prunes are a serious no-go, complete with scrunched nose and a turning of the head.

I’ve also tried bran muffins and whole wheat toast. (Have you ever had to dodge a bran muffin at 7 a.m.? No? Well then you’ve never lived!)
Here’s what the doctor had to say this morning:

1. This is actually quite common in toddlers, so don’t panic.
2. The Monkey should now drink 2% milk, not whole milk, since his weight gain has been fine.
3. Instead of being allowed 24 oz of milk a day, he can only have 18 oz a day. (He only gets milk when he goes down for naps.)
4. We are to mix in 1 heaping tablespoon of MINERAL OIL into either his water or milk 2x a day, which should help coat things and soften them up.
5. For the next two weeks, we need to coat his little bottom with neosporin 3x a day.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Oh, and I’ll gladly accept donations for his future therapy bills.


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