- I had to run to the drugstore across the street at work to buy jumbo overnight pads the next day because a “heavy flow” tampon and pad just weren’t cutting it;
- I wore dresses all week because I was so bloated my pants were too tight and it was disgusting;
- 13-year-olds had nothing on the acne that exploded onto my chin;
- I had to change said jumbo overnight pads ever hour and a half because I would start to feel things POOLING down there;
- OxyClean gets blood out of a couch quite nicely;
- At one point, the cramps started to feel like labor pains;
- I was freaked that I was losing too much blood;
- The people who invented Midol should be given sainthood.
And after being irregular my entire life, now that I’ve had a kid I’m suddenly Little Miss Punctual on the 28-day cycle. Which is really weird for me.
Here are some things I WISH people had warned me about (so consider yourself warned!):
- The cramps are going to HURT. Labor pain hurt. Your toes will curl and you’ll gasp and want to kill someone. It will pass. Midol helps.
- Did I mention the cramps would hurt?
- Buy jumbo overnight pads. You’ll have a “mini period” for a week or so after you give birth, but its NOTHING compared to this. You may get scared that you burst an artery up there and that you’re bleeding out. You’re not. Honestly. It’ll taper off.
- Keep OxyClean, a ziploc bag, and a spare pair of undies hidden deep in your purse. Just in case.
Sometimes its not so lovely being a woman.